Conflict Resolution Without the Drama Budget

Most of the time, I don’t deal with conflict. Not because it doesn’t happen - but because I tend to spot it - and stop it - before it goes anywhere.

It’s not a magic skill. It’s noticing when things are stuck, listening properly, and stepping in with a clear decision when everyone else is still dancing around it. No badge required.

Let’s be honest: "conflict resolution" sounds a bit like something HR invites you to. Formal. Slightly uncomfortable. Like someone’s about to cry or storm out.

But real conflict - the kind that slows delivery or bruises team morale - is often a lot quieter.

• A Product Manager feels left out of a decision

• Two developers both think their solution is better

• A stakeholder wants something now (but won’t say why)

That’s all conflict. Just in disguise.

But not all conflict is bad. Healthy, respectful debate usually means people care - and that passion can lead to better outcomes. I hate it when people just nod along with something they clearly don’t agree with. The right kind of conflict sharpens ideas. The wrong kind derails momentum.

Conflict can come from a lack of awareness

Someone called me, frustrated that another team was pushing theirs around. I didn’t know them, so I just listened.

After a bit of back and forth, it became clear they actually agreed with the work. Their team could support it, they had the time - they just weren’t in the loop.

What really came through was this: they didn’t want to be the one making the decisions. They were happy for their team to lead, happy to defer - but they wanted to feel involved. They cared about the delivery and wanted to be part of it, not sidelined from it.

So I invited them to a regular meeting, gave them visibility, and asked for their input. The problem never came back.

Simple. But those small fixes can stop bigger issues from brewing. Inclusion isn’t just nice - it’s a delivery tactic.

Sometimes 'conflict' is just a different way of doing things

Most of the time, there’s no argument yet. Just tension and frustration. Two people sharing options - both good, both valid, but pulling in different directions. That’s when I lean in.

Often, there’s no obvious 'better' answer. Just different ways to solve the same problem. So I look for something - anything - that gives me a reason to choose. Sometimes that’s a lack of conviction. Sometimes a small practical detail.

So I take stock. I listen, I watch, and I consider a few things before making the call.

I also weigh up:

• Is this a style difference, or a real trade-off?

• Is this just a case of 'not made here' getting in the way?

• Where are we in the delivery cycle? Early? Late?

• Do we need robust and safe, or quick and dirty?

And then - I make a decision.

Most teams don’t need a referee. They need someone to say, “Let’s go this way, here’s why,” and get on with it.

Direction reduces friction.

A bit on leadership (because it matters)

If you’re in a leadership role - even unofficially - you’ve got to be willing to stand up and lead. That doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being clear, being calm, and creating enough certainty that people feel comfortable moving forward.

You don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room. But you do need to create direction. You need to give people something to align to.

In my view, it’s not about being a leader - it’s about creating the conditions where people choose to follow you. That’s very different.

Sometimes that’s about confidence. Sometimes it’s about faking confidence - fake it till you make it.

It also helps to have a story. A narrative. Even if you're not totally sure, people will follow someone who sounds like they know where they’re going. You need conviction. Vision. Something to rally around.

People don’t follow uncertainty. They follow movement. Even if it’s a bit wobbly to start with.

And even when you’re not totally sure, tell a story. Offer a direction. People follow conviction, not spreadsheets. They follow someone who sounds like they know where they're going - even if they secretly don’t.

Final thought

You don’t need a three-step framework. You need to be present. You need to spot when something’s off. And you need to act before it spirals.

Because most conflict isn’t about the work. It’s about how people feel about the work.

Cameras on. Listen properly. Fix the small stuff.

Then crack on.